she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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