Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
