Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just want to make out with him forever
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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