Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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