Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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