Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
