i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
