she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
