his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
