i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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