it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
