I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
