Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
