2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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