im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
