On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
