If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
