did you get engaged???
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
