Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
