he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
