he shaved USA in his pubs
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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