he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
