I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
