besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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