I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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