you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
