either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
