he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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