i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
