i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
