i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i've created a new STD.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
