Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
