Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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