Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
