Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
