can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
