Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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