Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
he just fucked me for my cheese..
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
