this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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