He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
