You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
