We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
