garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
