paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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