Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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