every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
