all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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