It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
