meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
