Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
