No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
