Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
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