couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
