i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
