the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
