He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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